A couple of days before Thanksgiving, a good friend of mine telephoned to tell me that her father had been killed in a car wreck. Suddenly, I found myself without words, and my realization that she could not see my reaction made the moment more awkward. The silence that filled my head was broken only by her sobs of sadness as my mind reeled and searched for a word—any word of comfort—that I might offer. I have found myself speechless on only a few occasions and this was one of those times. The sound of silence was deafening, and the world around me moved in slow motion as I recalled a quote from an old movie, “For some moments in life, there are no words.”
For most people the holiday season is filled with joy, celebration, and good tidings. However, many suffer in silence during the holidays. Forty-five years ago, my paternal grandmother died on Thanksgiving Day, and I have an aunt who still has difficulty celebrating the holiday season. Regardless of time passed, I think there will always be a void after the death of a loved one. Certainly, a death on special days, such as birthdays or holidays, presents memories that can overshadow celebrations. Grief, as well as how we react and deal with loss, is unique to each of us. Loss comes in many different forms: we can lose a loved one, a body function, a job, or a pet. It’s important to not trivialize a loss with well-intentioned words: “I know how you feel”; “It was only a dog”; “It was God’s will”; or “At least he didn’t suffer.” These statements are of little consolation to those who are grieving. Again, there are no magic words to take away the pain; what may offer more comfort is a hug with the words “I am so sorry.”
If you find yourself grieving this holiday season, here are a few tips that you might find helpful:
• Increase your positive outlook. A Scottish study published in the British Journal of Sports Medicine has found that physical activity for just 20 minutes a week is enough to boost mental health. Activities include walking, swimming, gardening, and even housework. The greatest impact was derived from sports, which lowered the risk of distress and anxiety by as much as 33%. Before starting any new exercise or diet, consult your healthcare provider.
• Allow time to feel sad or to have a good cry.
• Be cautious with the use of alcohol or medications.
• Try to keep your routine; eat as well as you can and get plenty of rest.
• Set priorities. Grief is exhausting; you may tire quickly, so save your energy for the most important things.
• Attend a lecture or workshop on how to get through the holidays. Many hospitals and churches will offer these resources at no cost.
• Realize that the anticipation of a holiday or family event may be more difficult than the actual day.
These are only a few suggestions you may find helpful. Another great resource is the American Hospice Foundation; visit their Web site: www.americanhospice.org. You can also reach out to friends, family, and clergy to help you through this difficult time. Know that grief is normal and tears are healthy. When those around you tear up, don’t turn your back—embrace them and show that you care. The holidays, at best, are stressful occasions in our lives. If you find yourself overwhelmed, reach out to friends and family or talk with a professional counselor. Most importantly, engage the holiday, be with friends and family, and remember those you have lost. You might be surprised that this holiday season may be very special to you in many ways. Merry Christmas to you and may you find Peace!
Howard Baker, RN BSN
For questions, comments, or suggestions on topics you want to read about please email me at: howard@howardsbaker.com
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
