Many of my earliest and fondest childhood memories revolve around my childhood pets. As I traveled though life’s menagerie I had dogs, cats, birds, gerbils, fish, frogs, lizards, turtles and horses. My biggest regret in life by far has been giving away my two horses Dusty and Louie. I was so busy in my last year of nursing school, it seemed as though the farrier was spending more time with my horses than I was. Although my heart was in the right place, I experienced a loss that has been ongoing over the last fifteen years. After parting that day I never saw my horses again. I have tried to move past this ambiguous loss with much difficulty, which continues to be a personal struggle for me.
We all experience and deal with grief in different ways. Our pets or companion animals become anchors in our lives with an unwavering love and acceptance. Our pets see us through the best of times as well as the times we struggle. We experience so many changes in our lives, like new jobs or loss of employment, loss of friends or family through death or separation. Companion animals see us through both the good and bad times in our life with acceptance and love. When our loss is our pet, how do we react? How do we grieve, are we supported by family, friends or co-workers? Most employers offer 3 to 5 days for bereavement of a spouse, child or parent but what about the loss of Fido or Mr. Kitty? Many times we trivialize the grief we feel by saying it’s just a dog; never really taking the time to slow down and memorialize the pet and grieve. Dr. Elizabeth Strand, Director of Veterinary Social Work at the University of Tennessee Knoxville, stresses that pet loss is worthy of our attention. Dr. Stand encourages us to take pet loss seriously by doing some kind of memorial.
Often children are forgotten as they try to cope with the loss of a pet. Sometimes adults try to offer words of encouragement such as, “we will get another pet.” In the book Ocho Loved Flowers, author Anne Fontaine helps children and adults learn some of the great lessons pet ownership can teach: having strong relationships, communicating well, having compassion, and letting go. In the story, Annie, a little girl, is devastated when her cat Ocho becomes ill. The book goes on to describe the depth of the relationship the girl has with her cat—from the way she cares for him in health to the way she tries to provide what he needs as he is dying. Ocho Loved Flowers explains grief in terms children can understand, just as it guides adults in how to help shape children’s experiences and allow them to draw wisdom from them.
There are community resources available to help you with the loss of a pet:
• Your Veterinarian: Can help or make referrals within your community.
• Your Church: Draw on your minister and congregation for support during your grief.
• Humane Societies: Local Animal shelters or Humane Societies may have a pet loss support group.
• Family and Friends: Accept help if offered, your friends and family have been with you during difficult situations in the past.
• The University of Tennessee Veterinary Social Work Department @ 865-755-8839. They offer a supportive environment where people can share their varied experiences of grief and loss. A place to remember and honor the life of a companion who has died.
• 3rd Annual Pet Memorial Day hosted by The University of Tennessee Veterinary Social Work. September 13, 2009 from 2:00pm to 5:00pm call 865-755-8839 for more information, or visit my blog at www.howardsbaker.com
Our pets are intertwined in our lives, we deserve to slow down and remember them. “Where there is love there is life” Gandhi.
Howard Baker, RN BSN
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