Myths About Bullies

With school getting underway for most students safety comes to the forefront of parent’s minds. There are school zones, cross walks, backpacks, long walks home and for some- home alone till parents return from work. But, what about the bully on the bus or who shares a locker next to your child? Not only can Bullies pose physical pain but they can also cause psychological pain and suffering too.
Bullies come in many different shapes and sizes both male and female and of all ages. For some bullying is never out grown. Bullying is not a normal rite of passage or a part of growing up. Bullying is cruel, usually harassing someone by physical or emotional intimidation and if ignored can have serious consequences. It seems like bullying not only takes place at our schools and playgrounds it now takes place online. It is estimated that one out of four kids are bullied and over 40% of kids are cyberbullied.
There was an Andy Griffith episode that came to mind about bullying when I started doing my research for the column. I searched youtube.com for the episode and I realized what Andy Taylor told Opie still holds true today. According to the experts you should encourage your child to share their concerns. As parents it is important to remain calm and learn as much about the situation as possible. Ask open ended questions that encourage your child to describe how and when the bullying occurs and who is involved. Do not promote retaliation or fighting with a bully, instead encourage your child to remain calm keeping composure and walk away.
Researchers at The University of Arizona examined various myths associated with bullying. The following are ten of those myths.
• Boys will be boys. Research shows that bulling is seldom outgrown, it is simply redirected. About 60% of boys identified as bullies in middle school commit at least one crime by age 24.
• Kids can be cruel about differences. Research shows physical differences play only a very small role in bullying situations. Most victims are chosen because they are sensitive, anxious, and unable to retaliate.
• Bullies are looking for attention. Ignore them and the bullying will stop. Research has shown bullies are looking for control and they rarely stop if their behavior is ignored. Bullying usually increases if the bullying is not addressed by an adult.
• Bullying doesn’t happen at my child’s school. Bullying is more common at some schools than others; however studies show about 25% of U.S. students are bullied with some frequency.
• Children who are bullied will always tell an adult. Most studies find only 25 to 50% of bullied children report it to an adult.
• Most children who observe bullying don’t want to get involved. The good news is most children think bulling is “not cool” and feel they should do something if they see it happen.
• Bullies suffer from insecurity and low self-esteem. Studies indicate most bullies have average or above-average self-esteem. They “suffer” from aggressive temperaments, a lack of empathy and poor parenting.
• Bullying affects only a small number of students. The national Association of School Psychologist estimates that 160,000 children stay home from school every day because they are afraid of being bullied.
• Teachers know if bullying is a problem in their classes. Bullying behavior usually takes place unbeknownst to the teacher. Most victims are reluctant to report the bullying for fear of embarrassment or retaliation; most bullies deny or justify their behavior.
• Bullying isn’t serious, its kids being kids. Bullying can be extremely serious. Bullying can affect the mental well being, academic work, and physical health of children who are targeted. Children who are bullied are more likely than other children to have lower self-esteem, higher rates of depression, loneliness, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.
As you send your children out into the world teach them to be safe, but also teach them that bullying is not acceptable. I noticed in the Andy Griffith Show that Andy and Opie spent time talking to each other. We need to find common ground in conversation with our children, not just about bullying but about life in general. These conversations build trust and a foundation for life’s problems but, most importantly they build memories that will last a lifetime.

Howard Baker, RN BSN

For questions, comments, or suggestions on topics you want to read about please email me at: howard@howardsbaker.com